insensitive-ly

2010-12-17T23:16:00.003+08:00

really exhausted for the past month, mentally, emotionally and physically. sometimes i wonder, what is the purpose of me working so hard? what is it that i'm hoping to accomplished? who am i doing it for? working without a specific goal is like walking into a dessert, wondering when will i ever see a green lush of tree with a stream of blue river. sounds emo? i think so too..

ever since i pass the 21 years old mark, people around me kept asking do i have a boyfriend? why do i not have a boyfriend? when will i get one? well, my answer is, as much as i would like to have one, doesn't mean i will GET one. its not as simple as going to the supermarket and get urself a yogurt. come to think of it, if only its that easy, probably i wouldn't feel so tired at such a moment, especially emotionally wise.

but again, i came to realise that love isnt everything, but yet one cannot live completely without love. so contridicting. why cant life ever be simple and straight forward as ABC?

the pain from my wisdom tooth and ulcer is causing my brain to go hay-wire. and then again, its not a bad thing to be emo once in a while. bleh...finish reading it? i think ur brain is hay-wire too reading to this post. ESPECIALLY this post!

:)))

2010-08-10T18:18:00.002+08:00

life is not about taking the easy route. Its about meeting challenges and overcoming it. It always has been.

If you think that your life right now is very hard to manage and balance, then i seriously suggest you giving up on 1 of those things that is making you suffer now. But if you do not want to give up on any of them, then stop whimpering about how hard your life is now. It is FREAKING annoying and irritating to hear them, because just in case you don't realise, we are living that kind of life too. But unlike you, we learned to manage our work and personal life.

I might sound mean, but this is how i feel. Take it the bad way, i do not really care any further. Why? because i have already been disappointed so much that I'm already numb by it.

Think about it, if you still cherish our friendship, you would know what to do.

2010-03-03T22:31:00.002+08:00

hai..its just the 3rd month of 2010 and i'm already feeling so tired. Been seeing doctor almost once a week?? this is so bad man..i think my only sense of taste now is MEDICINE!! yikes!!
maybe i should add this in my resolution for this year * stay healthy and don't see doctor* ya well..like that will help. i guess like my doc says..no matter how many times i see him or how much medicine he gives me, what's important is i MUST get enough rest. which i'm not.

perhaps a short holiday will help? or shopping?? hahaha..i'm imaginating too much now.

4 assignments to go, all not done. 1 freaking conference coming up and what else? Never ending work and always demanding parents? this is really sickening. I love my job.it gives me a sense of satisfaction when i see the children benefiting from the changes i made in the school's program. but the ever demanding parents on teeny weeny stuff just keeps burning off my patience and passion. How?? i also don't know :(

2010-02-16T12:18:00.002+08:00

Finally, I'm updating again..well..as usual..new year new resolutions..looking back at my wishlist for last year..i don't think i even accomplished even 1. that's really pathetic.. But still, new Wishlist..

My MUST accomplised wishlist for 2010

1) GET a boyfriend-( everyone including my mom has been pestering me about this issue) :(
2) Get my driving license.
3) Slim Down (hehe..same every year)
4) Be consistent in my dance classes!!
5) Holiday!!!! anywhere also can (other than malaysia)
6)finish my degree without any problems (Praying hard)

that's all for now.. you can only accomplish this much in a year. I'm no superwoman. :D

Anyway...GONG XI FA CAI to all my Loved ones, Friends and others..
Sorry for not able to invite you guys to my house this year..next year though..:)

2009-09-27T22:32:00.004+08:00

human beings are just contridicting and complicated animals. and i'm one of them..

"Happy" by Leona Lewis

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't cha take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't cha love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I could stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear myself
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
All these days I feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me outta here
I can't stand by your side, ohh no
Watch this life pass me by, pass me by

So and it's just that I can't see
The kind of stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

I just wanna be happy
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happy
I just wanna be, ohh
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, happy

I guess this song is the closest in expressing how i feel and see things right now.
I guess that's just life..people come and go. some stay some leave.

*I miss you badly.though things will never the same between us anymore.but i still care and hope the best for you. *

2009-09-17T00:07:00.002+08:00

I've decided....and realise...

life is short, especially life being a single woman..:)

I enjoy my life being single. the freedom to hang out with people and the time to do things that i wanna do.

so yap.. decided..for now..being single is my choice..

only IF.. the right guy that makes me wants to settle down appears..then maybe, its time to change my status..:)

2009-08-17T22:14:00.000+08:00

i'm hibernating in my work life and personal life. Can't seem to identify my goals anymore. How? i don't like the feeling of being so lost and lethargic in everything that i'm doing, suppose to do and wanting to do.

i can't even bring out my passion in the things i love to do. dance. i actually skipped it cause i'm tired and lazy and well..sick too.but i use to go even when i'm not feeling well..

and i heard alot about the degree course that i will be taking from a friend. Its just makes me look so least forward to it. all the assignments and research and reading to do. Its giving me headache even before i start.

I don't know. What am i suppose to do? Now, I just want to slack around at home and daydream the whole day. It is a crime for wanting to do that? Yes i think so. :(

2009-07-27T22:48:00.000+08:00

I'm finally 21 years old!!!

Still trying to digest this fact that i am OFFICIALLY stepping into adulthood.

Well, anyway.. celebrated my 21st birthday on the 25th of July @ my aunt's condo.

got too many people to thanks.

But the most important people that made all this happen so perfectly are my Parents, Sister, my "Nurse" Maribeth and Cousins.

All my relatives, auntie and uncles.

All Appleland Teachers.

Ernest Kor, Uncle Ujin and their girlfriends. It was a really BIG surprise after telling me that you could't come but yet showed up at the very last min.

Yang su and Marcus- thanks for the red wine. :)

Steph- Have yet to see the photo album but i'm very sure i will love it.

Kunloong, Xuian ming and Terrence- Thanks for the "Key". :)

Mei Chan and Alicia- I miss you girls so much, thanks for coming and thanks for the present too. ( Michelle as well)

Clara, Wilson, Zhanyi and Wai Chee- thanks for coming.

Dear Candice and Cheyenn (of course their daddy and mommy too)- thanks for coming. Really appreciate it. :)

All my parent's friend- though i cant really call out all the names, but thanks for coming.

And All my sister's friend (especially Vincent for helping me or her to decorate the place)- thanks for coming and also the present. :)

I'm not sure if i missed out anyone but i really had a great great time!!

thought half the time i dont really recall what is happening around me, and i didnt spend much time talking to alot of people cause there are really too many people. But i really really appreciate it that all of you took your time out to come celebrate for me.

Daddy, Mummy and ah bee:

My precious family who loved and cared for me more than i do for myself. I haven't been a really good girl recently. Making all of you worried and tired over my health. A thousand words cannot describe how much I love all of you. mummy daddy, because of your persistent i had a wonderful and memorable birthday of my life. Thanks for spending so much money and time for making it a wonderful and perfect experience.

Ah bee- though sometimes u really annoy me alot, but i'm blessed to have a sister like you. Love ya.:)

A perfect birthday, with all the people whom i love and care with me. But a little imperfection which can never be mended due to the absence of someone which....(well, better to be left unspoken).

I'm 21.. time for responsibility and independence.

my Wish:

1) Appleland to always prosper.

2) Everyone i love and care about to be healthy (including myself)

3) shh...its a known secret. but say le won't come true. :P

Hopefully, my bad luck will be gone and all my good luck will come!! :D

2009-07-14T21:50:00.003+08:00

finally updating after a long long long long long.........time.

yes, i know, i'm seeing spider webs all over again.

reason why i'm blogging again?? no idea, bored i guess. or maybe, its time to start taking note of what's happening to my life again.

at one point, blogging seems like a chore to me. like writing a school report or work report kind of stress. but not anymore i guess, afterall i haven't been blogging for almost a year le. haha.

The MOST recent update.

started my DPP= Dance Performance Programme. it consists of contemporary, jazz, hiphop, ballet, street jazz, etc... its really fun, and i really like contemporary, although it made me ache all over. but its really cool. Jazz too, alright steph, i agree, Derrick's class is interesting and hilarious. haha.. LEVIS , HUGHUG!!! ballet is kinda boring, i guess cause i have learnt it before already.
hiphop......*speechless* no comment on that. now looking forward to street jazz. :)

Just got discharged from the hospital yesterday. admitted on friday night, was sent to the hospital by the ambulance. cause: gastric pain and vomitting till fainted at home. and after doing all the blood test, urine test, and xray and dunno what else. doctor says its due to constipation. well well, knew that i have that kind of problems all along, but didnt know it will become so serious.

Spend the 1st night in the A&E ward, really horrible, the pain. and because there's only 1 doc and 1 nurse (i was sent in around midnight), i have to wait for 45 mins just to get the blanket which i vomitted on to be changed. was really freezing inside. SGH should really do something about the room temperature there man. even when i was transfered up to the patient's ward, the room is still freaking COLD!! was freezing through the night. especially my hand that was on drip. painful, swollen and icy. went in with just gastric and vomitting, came back with flu and cough. but the nurses at the patient's ward are REALLY REALLY NICE!! nowadays hospital's service are really like in a hotel. you can order your breakfast, lunch and dinner from the menu and the food are delicious. there's TV with HBO and other channels (not the normal Channel 8 and stuff) nurses are very helpful, gentle and friendly, facilities are clean. what else can i grumble about other than temperature too cold, really nothing to do there and they on the lights too early in the morning (they on at 6am). *fainted*

but i'm alright already!! have to really take note of my health from now on le..
thanks Yang su and Kor for visiting me. :) and all who showed their concern. sorry for scaring all of you. haha..

Next thing, looking forward to my 21st birthday..

till then...this blog won't be updated.. :)

2008-07-27T23:29:00.004+08:00

Happy Birthday to ME!!
Happy Birthday to ME!!
Happy Birthday to ME..E!!
Happy Birthday to ME~~~!!!

YES!! i'm officially 20 years old today. Bye bye~~to my TEENage years. sad and happy. what a confused feeling. as usual, people to thanks.
1) my family- daddy, mummy, ah bee and auntie maribeth.
2) My friends- Stephanie, Yang su, clara for celebrating with me.
3) Ernest kor and kai- thanks for the surprise gift. haha, though it wasn't a very surprise surprise one. but yap..i'm still touched.
4) Xuianming- i love the necklace, thank you so much.
5) To all those who remember my birthday one way or another.
6)Iren GUGU- Thanks for the dinner tonight, i really enjoyed myself. and the ride home (ur car is just so cool)
7) most importantly, my twin-I love you woman..:)

3 person gave me a surprise gift today right outside my house. really loved it and i completely did not expected it. haha, and you 3 made me the officially ugliest birthday girl.

My Birthday card!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!

~~Kelly stepping into the 20s~~

2008-06-29T22:04:00.003+08:00

updating only once a month..mm..i'm really getting very lazy. well, some happy things to share.
finally finished my most important project, finished one of the most important event of the year, finally realised that my life is under my control and i am the only one who can make a difference to it. yap. time to start off fresh. i'm really really glad that i have these few friends in my life. steph, yang su, my dearest twin and clara..without friends like you, i really can't imagine what kind of life i'll be having. :) love you guys lots. mm.. yup..everybody, please await the newly changed kelly. though not drastic change.but yup.CHANGE!! haha..

2008-05-31T22:36:00.003+08:00

really don't get what i'm thinking nowadays. its like something i want to do but yet i don't do it. and things that i don't want to do, i did it. i'm going nuts. seriously.
feeling kind of restless recently, like i mentioned in the previous post. like, dreams don't always come true and things don't always go the way you want. i can't really express myself in words about how i'm feeling right now. sigh....life is like that, isn't it?

alright, something sunshine. i'm actually starting to enjoy burning my saturdays working on the project with my group mates. it makes me feel much more productive then lazing around at home or the mall. i'm also more determined in getting my driving license by the end of this year.i still enjoy my work.i still love my kids.anything else? yeah. still....quite okie with the life i'm having..but hoping for a change. :)

aren't they adorable? (from left) my darling teacher adelynne and the infamous "supergirl".my cutie pies..my motivation to work everyday. :)

2008-04-14T20:56:00.002+08:00

finally understood that life does not go the way u want it to be. i have been hopeful, wishing that one fine day i will be able to realise of my dreams. but now i've proven to myself that a dream is just a dream. the number of people who actually managed to acheive their dreams in life are very few. and these are the people who should be glad that they are one of the very few.
maybe its really time for me to look back into reality and not continue living in the fairytale world.

2008-01-20T16:23:00.000+08:00

HO HO HO!! i'm BACk.... whao..really really been a long time since i've updated. yep!! call me a super duper lazy blogger, i admit. anyway, 1st post in 2008..nothing much happen, still the same old kelly..still working with the most adorable children, still studying part time, still busy with work and tedious killing projects..yap, life did not change much..

wow, what a sad life i'm living man..haha..all work and school, no personal life at all.. yap..just like my dearest miss stephy said, "i have no life".. so damm true..right so, my resolutions for the year 2008!!

1) to have a life (personal, not inclusive of work and school.)
2) to slim down more (my goal every year which i have not yet achieved even once)
3) find a goal in life ( i'm so lost at the moment.. god, please enlightened me!!)
4) find my MR.RIGHT (hopefully, not having much hope on this)
5) find a hobby (yeah, i think i really need this.)
6) Go on holiday without my parents (haha, just the thought of it make me so happy!! oops.)
7) get my driving liscence. (plus a bonus: a car.. haha..)

okie, this is all i can think of now, hopefully i can achieve all of this!! cheers :)

2007-10-03T20:52:00.000+08:00

whoa..i'm certainly a very lazy blogger..haha.. been such a long time since i've update my blog..

anyway, been very busy with work and studies..too much to do and too little time..sometimes i just wish there's 25 hours a day instead of 24..so got 1 hour more for sleeping..*oops*
well, nothing much happened, or rather, too much that i don't know where to start..right, shall update again soon..

2007-09-07T23:22:00.000+08:00

been 2 weeks since school started. one word to describe. "STRESSED!!" but well, what kind of studies is not stressed? so, instead of keep complaining about it, i've decided to enjoy it and give it my best shot. yups......

thank god, i've got a good lecturer and a group of "hilarious" group members, classes wouldn't be the same without them. thank you lina, li cheng and margaret..u guys really helped me alot and really lighten up my days..

noticed my personal msg is "abandoned?" yup..i feel abandoned. not physically, but mentally..maybe i'm just asking too much or being too greedy, but all i ask for is a little more concern and understanding and a little less sacarstism and blaming from u. its tiring having to face u everyday and yet having to act like i don't care about you at all. i just hope that this will all ends. its torturing me mentally.

all i ask for is....L.O.V.E.
why is that so hard to have....

2007-08-26T21:22:00.000+08:00

starting school tomorrow.

am S.I.C.K.!!!

2007-08-11T21:59:00.000+08:00

went out with my dear twin amelia and "long-lost friend" clanna..haha..its been a long time since we three all met up..really missed u girls..

went to meet clanna, amelia and her aunt at bishan junction 8..due to the stupid train i was late..but not the for the movie though..yup..its harry potter again..the 2nd time i've watched it..but still very good..shopped around J8 after the movie, amelia's aunt treat us swensen..thank you..

went to town to fix my mom's watch, den saw a street performance outside wheelock place..don't really know what is that called, but it looks cool though.. den went to a pub at orchard hotel that amelia recommended..nice place..have a cup of cocktail..den ordered some finger food..had a little girl's talk and amelia's sharing experience session..haha..me and clanna full of curiosity..

thanks for the day girls..time just pass so fast when we're having so much fun..and amelia..really..go do something about ur extra tire running out *oops*..and clanna..hope to see u again soon..love u girls..

2007-08-01T19:57:00.000+08:00

went to celebrate mommy's birthday yesterday..other than me, my sister,daddy and maid was there, steph went too and also sherilyn..total of 7 people..wanted to eat sakae sushi for dinner, but because we are watching which is starting at 7pm, so went to eat KFC instead..

watched Invisiblie Target..nice show, and i cried twice..yeah..imagine me watching a action movie and yet crying..well..steph and my sis cried too..haha..

frankly speaking, its the 1st time i watched a movie with my mom..a very funny feeling..but i felt so happy..haha..and of course i bought a birthday present for my mommy..steph went to bought it with me.. a CK watch worth about $300++..i don't even know how much it costs exactly..haha..but nevermind..she's my mommy..I LOVE U MOMMY!!

to steph,
i'm still waiting to have that chance to buy u a diamond..haha..our deal yea!! i'll wait..but don't let me wait too long yea..haha..for the sake of ur diamond..

2007-07-29T15:15:00.000+08:00

taken at the settlers club at holland V on my birthday with clara, yangsu, me, steph, kaili and my sis..

had loads of fun..
steph created the word "Gabbage"
and to steph..yes i do love the words N and V..maybe D and P also can.. haha..

2007-07-28T14:00:00.001+08:00

i have officially turned 19 yesterday..
celebrated my birthday with all the special someones that made it "de most special birthday"" i ever had..

firstly..i want to thank all my colleagues: feng ling, sharon, du juan, puypuy, mdm Ng, mdm Tan, teacher alice, cindy and sherilyn. thanks for the birthday gift and the birthday song!! haha..

secondly, to xuian ming, jia qi, hui qi, johnathan, clanna, kunloong, raymond, zheng chuan, ben, terrence, zan, ernest kor, ujin and his girlfriend, glen and the others for remembering a friend like me..thank you lots..

and lastly, my parents, my sis, my twin amelia and cousins..u made me special for all reasons..

and most importantly, to yang su, steph and clara..u made my day special..thanks for everything yesterday..although we got lost finding the way..but i enjoyed every part of it..thanks for the gift..though the chocolate is fattening, but i will eat it all because its from u..and clara, the notebook is the best thing i have received..the most special present..i love u girls..

it doesn't matter how much money u spent on ur birthday or how u spent it.. what matter most is who u spent is with..i had the most wonderful day i had for this whole year yesterday..and its thanks to all those who made my birthday an unforgettable one..i love all of u.and words can't describe how much i thank u all..but i will always remember my 19th birthday..

2007-07-05T21:53:00.000+08:00

since a long time since i last blog again..heh..went to genting over the weekends..had a lot of fun..but end up sick on the way back..well..i'm weak..i admit..

starting new semester this week..enjoyed my time with the children..but that also means i have to start preparing alot of materials which is also equals to endless work again..

can't wait for my new course to start..really hate myself for having so much free time nowadays..i rather be very very busy..so that i wun have to time to "hu si luan xiang"..

and lastly..the movie i've been looking forward the most is going to show next week.."Harry potter and the order of the phoenix"..well..i'm a big fan of harry potter and JK Rowling..nothing to be ashamed of actually..yeap...

2007-06-18T20:57:00.000+08:00

finally...finally..i've blogged again.haha..really really sorry..well..internet problem..couldn't get online..so..in other words..can't blog..yups..

well..went for holiday at The Philippines..seriously..nothing to buy..not a very developed country i must say..but because of that their natural scenery just take my breathe away..their water sports are also very fun and exciting..although i've already played a few times before..the best part is the diving..feeling a little scared at first..but after getting comfortable being underwater..i am able to enjoy myself and take a good look at the marine life under the deep sea..><.

but well..back to reality..life is not that satisfying afterall..i'm falling sick more and more often recently..dunno why..weak immune system? maybe..over stress?? maybe..too bored?? definitely..need to do something different..

i miss my friends..i miss my twin..i miss my life..i'm sick of working..i'm sick of getting sick all the time..i want to start school early!!!

2007-05-27T01:38:00.000+08:00

i have a BIG BIG BIG hole in my pocket right now..spend almost all my salary this month..what the hell..i have to stop shopping..i am now becoming a shopaholic..this is bad..very bad..

anyway, went to watched "The Pirates of the Carribean"..and i can say, its really nice, and a little surprising..but that's what a movie needs right? Johnny Depp is really really a very charming person..not only the character he acts, but he himself is a very charming person..o well..and attractive..haha..

lots of stuff to do..getting a new job soon too (surprisingly, got mummy's and daddy's permission and encouragement..*thrilled*) and going for my holiday on tuesday..yeah!! finally a week that's worth looking forward too..

well well, shall update again..
ciao..

2007-05-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

feeling rather weak recently..been feeling sick and all..not only physically but also mentally..well i guess my holiday next week came just in time..seriously need to recharge battery..

got lots of stuff to buy for my holiday, and stuff to pack, feeling excited, looking real forward to it..gonna have so much fun..i hope so..:)

2007-05-16T20:25:00.000+08:00

its been quite some time since i last updated..well..some problems with my wireless connection..
anyway..went out with ernerst kor, my sis and cousin on saturday, took noeprints which we promised him 3 years ago..i'm so sorry kor..and bought a birthday present for my twin, and a mother's day gift..after that went to amelia's birthday chalet at pasir ris..on the way there i was being humiliated by my ow god-brother..what the hell..never ever want to see u again..and then blah blah blah..a very fun day..

*Mother's Day*
gave my mummy her mother's day present the moment i woke up..i bought a titus watch for her..which costs me hundred plus..but worth it..
after that i cooked lunch for my mom..and yes!! I CAN COOK!! at least some simple dishes..i cooked eggs (it looks ugly, but taste really nice), hotdogs, luncheon meat and sichuan cai plus porridge..and my dearest mummy calls that "ai xing can" hahaha..i'm so proud of myself..

*monday*
usual work day..but went to the doctors in the afternoon..having serious problems with my back..and its proven that i've just over strain my back muscles..was given medicine and gel to apply.

*tuesday*
didn't go to work today.. couldn't bend down when i woke up this morning..and my back is aching so badly that i think it's gonna snap if i assert more pressure on it..so..went to the doctors again and was given a stronger medicine..what the hell..

*wednesday*
went back to work..should have rest for another day..because it REALLY REALLY HURTS!!!!! i couldn't stand the pain around afternoon..damm..but still..hang on till end of work which is 5.30pm..i can sing "i'm a superwoman"..written by me..

2007-05-09T20:02:00.000+08:00

life is really unpredictable..u never know what is going to happen to you and the ones beside u.
reported in the newspaper today, a 7 year old boy fainted in school and passed away..in the past i couldn't really relate myself to this kind of things, as no one i know has such encounter..but today, i can truely understand the feelings of heartpain and saddness..this 7 years old boy, an ex-student of mine..a really sweet, understanding and clever boy just left without any goodbyes..many whom have taught him and know him couldn't believe that he is just gone like that..
for the whole day, memories of him from young, his voice and some of the things he once said to me kept spinning in my head..tears are at the verge of my eyes..and to think that his younger sister is now in my class..my feelings are in a total mess today..
i remember once talking to him after his swimming lesson, i asked him what he wants to be when he grow up? and he replied me, "i want to be a pilot". but now..everything goes back to zero..he will never get the chance to grow up and experience life as a teenager, go through his national exams, meet a girl, fall in love, fulfill his ambitions..but memories of him will always stay in the heart of those who loved and know him..

*to the sweetest boy i've every know..
though u are gone forever, but u will always be in our mind and heart..loving u always and remembering everything about u..be it good or bad, be it ur mischievous or understanding..u are the nicest boy i've ever met..u are unforgettable..i'm glad i know u..*

2007-05-04T23:39:00.000+08:00

feeling so so tired for this 2 days..working 9 hours consecutively..bending up and down..my back is aching so badly that i think its gonna break anytime..having terrible headache, sore throat and my whole body is aching so badly..i desperately need a massage..anybody like to help?? heh..

although working for 9 hours straight, but..seriously..there isn't enough time for me to finish up my work..mm...but the sense of satisfactory is great!! i can actually see the improvement of the children, and that they actually really understand and remember what i have taught them..it just feels so great..i'm so proud of all my little darlings..

started my intermediate singing class last night..same school, same classroom, same singing lesson but different teacher, different teaching method and new classmates..now i have to start warming up to the new teacher and the new students again..mm..but still..its good to get to know new people..looking forward to the next lesson..mm..what can i say..its a whole new experience!! hahaha...

2007-05-02T22:00:00.000+08:00

yeah!!! finally changed a new blogskin..well..yup..just a girl..i'm just a girl..that's no doubt..for sure..

woke up really early this morning..well..earlier than my usual time..went down to work, since i already wake up early..heh..hard working ar me..

i miss my twin..really miss u badly..supposed to go out on saturday to get ur anniversary present..but..hai..u actually went to malaysia and forgot about our date..i'm so sad..but well..will make it up..

mm...life's really simple recently..except three overdue assignments which i have not yet hand up and which might cause me to not be able to get my diploma certificate..well..other than that..really nothing much..damm..its so depressing..i shall complete it and hand it up before the end of this week..yups..

ciaos..

2007-04-28T16:31:00.000+08:00

its been quite a while since i last updated my blog..well..finally the end of another week.. a feeling of relief and a sense of emptiness..like right after a week of hectic work, suddenly everything just slows down..well..there's nothing i can do about it anyway..

i'm trying to keep myself busy to not to think about other things..other unnecessary things..so..yups...i'm busy busy busy busy.. my favourite singing lesson is still ongoing..however, my beloved teacher is changing to another one..whom i have not seen before..a little sad, as i really liked my previous teacher..but due to certain reason he is unable to teach us for the next semester..how sad...but wells..hope that my next teacher will be as good as the previous one..:)

2007-04-18T21:01:00.000+08:00

didn't go to work today..sick..had high fever went i woke up in the morning, kept sneezing and coughing..and felt nauseous..ate medicine and went back to sleep again, thinking that i might feel better when i wake up again..but well..wrong guess..i felt worse and started vomiting..(don't think too much, i'm not pregnant)..okie..dots...

well..i really need some rest..holiday will be a best way to recharge myself..heh..do i sound like i'm just making an excuse to want to go overseas for holiday?? yup..whatever..I WANT TO GO FOR HOLIDAY!!!! yes!! anyone wanna join..shall start making plans..

2007-04-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

Saturday-14/4/07
went to do something important and somewhat new to me..after that "thing", went to bought an IPOD NANO for my sister..generation 2, metalic blue..very cool, now i'm getting jealous..haha..

after buying, went to my cousin house, really very bored there, was supposed to practice our singing, but ended up eating and watching dvds..damm...

Sunday-15/4/07

Stayed home for the whole day today..wanted to go to the library, but well, ended up staying home..had sore throat and fever since i woke up this morning, and now headache..but still, i'm looking forward to go to work tml..heh...

2007-04-02T22:13:00.000+08:00

i'm seriously seriously having a terrible headache right now..
had a very exhausting day today..i thought i was going to faint any time..keep giving out cold sweat and my gastric is giving me problems again..(guess its the alcohol from the other night) and my cough is coming back (i didn't drink cold water le). so i couldn't figure out what is wrong with me..until i came home around 5pm and slept for an hour..i then realise that its because i didn't have enough rest the previous night.. see...that's how weak i am now..anyone wan to sponser me some tonic??

really looking forward for the long weekend this coming friday..mummy and daddy going for cruise, so that leaves me and my sister at home alone..my maid going to the church..think i'm gonna go shop for new clothings..i'm having a major wardrobe crisis..and gonna replenish my cosmestics..den what am i gonna do next?? shall see...

days are getting really bored for me..i need to do something to keep my brain working..not that i go to work without bringing my brain with me..but, i need to do something more challenging..like..change a job?? which i need to use my whole life to convince my parents..see..that's the bad thing working for ur parents..when u want to take leave to rest at home, they will never allow..why?? because they will say :"if u want to rest, weekend den rest lor.." its like what the hell..at the workplace i'm just like any other person working there..if dun let me take leave den tell me what am i suppose to do with my annual leave? leave it for display?? there's no such thing as a good conduct or good attendence awards nowadays..and worse still, people work at a fixed time, i don't..wake me up earlier than my usual timing and rush me to go down to work without telling me in advance den scold me for being rude and lazy..what the hell man..can i go complain to the Ministry of Manpower? yap..like i will really do that..so..anyone have any job that requires a brain and is challenging, please..don't mind inform me..alright..i'll be really grateful..yups..

2007-04-01T23:37:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 2 YEARS ANNIVERSAY TWIN!!!!!!

yup...we've know each other for two years..its seems so yet but long so short..had a fun time with u yesterday at the pub..but like i said..i'm never going that kind of places anymore..just not my type..and i'm never gonna drink again..unless on my wedding, my sister's wedding and my cousin's wedding...well..ya..i SWEAR!! last night's alcohol is like rumbling in my stomach making me very uncomfortable..my whole tummy is like on fire and i feel like vomiting..even until now..

had i think 3 cups of beer and dunno how many cups of martell last night..i just felt so sleepy and giddy..i had to force myself to not fall asleep with so many strangers around me and without my twin..i just felt so fragile at that moment..tell me i think so much..but if anyone were to pull me away at that moment i dun think i have any strength or will to retaliate..and i think i gave my number to a guy i barely know last night..this isn't something i will do normally..but i guess its the alcohol that's affecting me..ask me how does the guy looks like?? i can tell u i dunno..i barely remember his looks..i guess its time to change my handphone number..heh...

everyone has asking me what do i really wanna be in the future..what do i really want..until know i still have no idea..but i do have a new dream.. "save money and go travelling around the world.." yep..that's my new dream..well..not really around the world..but at least to places where i want and have been wanting to visit. i'm still making a list..will post it up when my list is set...yup...

marching towards my new goal, my new life and my new self..the NEW KELLY~~~ HERE I COMES!!!!!!!

2007-03-24T20:29:00.000+08:00

i'm trying my very best to stand back on my feet again..really trying very hard..its not as simple as i thought it was going to be..but it isn't as difficult as i thought it will be too..i doing my best at work, trying to be responsible to my job..plan my lessons ahead, prepare my materials properly, improvise my teaching methods. and it actually turned out well..and satisfying for me..

well..as a punishment for my misconduct previously, i now proudly announced that i'm sick..seriously sick..high fever, puffy nose and a bad sore throat. plus all the back aches and terrible headache i'm going through right now at this very moment. i've been sleeping for the whole day and i don't feel any better, and instead i have carvings for Macdonalds. haha..i seriously don't want my life le..

i'm now keeping myself busy, enriching myself with new knowlegdes, expanding my social circle and learning how to love myself more. i hope i can accomplish all this..not giving myself any time limits..but at least i will...

alright, i think i too seriously sick, because i have no idea what i mean by those stuff that i've just typed..so..if u understand..it'll be great..alright..i'm talking crap again..
ciaos...

2007-03-12T17:13:00.000+08:00

i'm seriously getting my headache back again..why must it always be like that...damm..i really really feel like running away from everything..anyone care to join me?

my mood is like my face and is like the weather nowadays..cloudy, black and lousy.. full of thunders and rain..i need some sunshine and rainbows in my life..anyone care to help? i always thought that i'm a strong at heart kind of girl..nothing can make me fall..but i'm wrong..ever heard that the worst enemy in your life is yourself?? now i totally believe in that..

i think i once told my friends that i'm planning of going to america to study next year..what if i push it earlier? what if i never come back anymore? what if i can just disappear from this earth..i know that its very pessimistic of me to think this way..but maybe..life really means nothing to me anymore..nothing means to me anymore..even myself..

many times my tears are at the verge of rushing out..i held back..many times i nearly lost control of myself..i held back..many times i wanted to harm myself by all means..i held back..perhaps for once..i shall not hold back any longer..

2007-03-04T16:38:00.000+08:00

to all who cares:
i've made my decision.. its really time to let go...like i said..telling and telling makes no difference to me..telling not only spoils a couples relationship, but also my integrity..maybe keeping it as a mystery might not be a bad decision.. i believe that there is that someone who truely belongs to me..so..instead of loving and hoping for someone who is not meant for me, i rather give up and wait for my meant to be..

giving up someone u like is difficult, but holding on to the love that is not meant to be is even more torturing..i rather give up than torture myself..i believe that i deserve my own happiness..

and thanks to all who tagged and cared for me..love u guys..!!

2007-03-01T22:22:00.000+08:00

i'm confused...seriously confused..my life is in a mess..my feelings are in a mess..i'm in a mess..who am i kidding? i can't take it any longer...can i run away?? i really have that urge of running to a faraway country..at least for a while..before coming back and face the cool fact of reality..can i??i think i should..really should..

2007-02-24T00:10:00.000+08:00

i need space..i need love..i'm a distressed child..i need someone to help pull me out from this pool of mess i'm in..i think i'm really really in love with u..but the love for u is making my heart tear into pieces..so much time i've wanted to tell u how i feel..but the thought of affecting u and ur girlfriend jest made me swallow my words back..can i tell u?? can i just tell u how much i missed u and how much i love u..can i tell u how much i've regretted letting u go time and time again..i'm such an idiot..will telling u all these make a difference in our present status? i never knew loving someone can be so difficult..so heartbreaking.. i want to escape..i want to go to a new place and start all over again..i really want to..really really want to..i want to live again..start all over again..i can't explain how i feel now..i can't even explain when do i have this kind of feeling now..help!!

2007-02-21T18:07:00.000+08:00

i'm being ignored..i'm being ignored..this is certainly not a very good feeling to have..when i suddenly realised that i might actually be in love with u all this time..u chose to avoid me..intentionally or unintentionally..u've already hurt and broke my heart..

~~~~~~~~my heart needs mending~~~~~~~~

2007-02-20T15:16:00.000+08:00

chinese new year...chinese new year..it doesn't feels the same anymore as i grow older..not to say the number of red packets i'm receiving..but even what it meant to me feels different..
but still..it's a chinese tradition that all chinese look forward to..(at least it is to me)

i miss my twin..i miss my life..i miss everything everything...i've decided..after my practicum, i'm not gonna continue working anymore..working and studying just can't work out for me..call me lazy..but it's just to tiring for me..and i just simply miss life being a full-time student..money?? i'll just go find a sugar daddy..haha..i'm going nuts..after i'm done with my diploma here in singapore..i'm going to convince my dad to let me go to America to study for my degree..maybe its really time for me to take a stand in my life..i can't let my parents take control of what i'm going to do in the future..this is my life..and i only live once..isn't it??

but the thought of breaking their heart, i just can't bear to do so..GOD!! who can help me..be decisive..even if this is a selfish decision of mine..i just want to be selfish for once..for myself..i dun wan to have any regrets when i grow old..yup...i shall do that...hopefully..........

2007-02-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

*to my twin*
i'm really really upset, angry but at the same time worried, sad and alot of other emotions that i've never felt before.. when u told me that u wanted to tell me something, i thought u're not feeling well again..but i never thought that it will be this kind of news..u really just dropped a bomb on me..without any warnings or notices made in advance..from the moment u told me the "news".. i felt shocked, curious, confused, sad, worried and heartbreaking..i dunno whether to treat this as a good news or a bad news..i kept thinking..how come..this kind of things would happen on u..u have never been that kind of girl who would have this kind of things..how come? i keep thinking and i keep crying..i dunno why..my tears just keep falling for u..i'm not disappointed..i'm not mad..i just want to let u know that my words stand as before.. "No matter what happens, i will always be there for u.." please just give me a call..i want to hear ur voice.. i want to hear u saying u're okie..u can't do this to me can u?? i'll be waiting for ur call..

2007-01-24T20:50:00.000+08:00

time for me to start blogging again..really starting to love and hate my singing lessons..hard to explain..
well..my pimples are pooping out again..damn troubled..tried all means but just can't get rid of it..hElp!!!!!!!
doing my practicum like a madwoman..other than clocking in hours..i still have to set up learning centres and make materials..i'm doing it like a madwoman every afternoon..and i'm not even 1/4 done..and to think that in another 2 weeks time my lecturer will be coming down to supervise and to even think that my health is having problem at this important time..hai..what can i say..like is soooooooooooo.............unpredictable...

anyway..finishing my course soon..happy..but starting another one soon...what the hell..but well..faster finish is off..

new year coming..gonna dye my hair...and do something else to my hair..its going haywire already..obviously..buy new clothes..enjoy...collect red packets..what else?? basically that's all i think..

bored...............................

2007-01-13T13:48:00.000+08:00

my little newborn baby cousin came my house yesterday..and i can only say that he is really really adorable..his every move and smile just makes everyone in the room so excited and happy..and this even proves my point more..that babies are the closest things to an angle..agree?yup...

i'm finally starting my practicum..which is next monday..i'm really scared..even though this is the second time i'm doing it..but everything just feels like the first..hopefully i can do well this time..yup..hopefully..why do i say that..its because..i'm not taking the 5 or 6 years old..but the 3 years old..at first look..u will think that "O...they look so cute..." ya..playing with them is fun..but when it comes to actually conducting a lesson with them..it's torture..firstly..they can't sit still..secondly..they have really short attention span..and lastly..they keep playing with me..thinking that i just came to their class to play with them..there's a reason for this..but i'm lazy to type it down..

i dunno what i'm thinking lately..my mind is in a mess..there's so many things i wanna do..but so little time to accomplish it..and the things i want to do..are so..not in order..i mean..there should be an order to the things i want to do..so i can do it step by step and accomplish them one at a time..but..now..everything is so confusing..i thought that by having a organizer..i will be much more organized..but that's just the very naive thinking of me..damm..what should i do next?? am i expecting too much from myself??mm................................................

2007-01-07T21:36:00.000+08:00

nothing much to update recently...enjoyed my music lessons..but was told by the teacher that to start preparing a song that we like and sing it to him next lesson..that just makes my nerve-recks..

my parents..sure the usual mushy-mushy..cant take it any longer..it just makes all my hair stands..disgusting..

me..still the usual..work and slack..work and slack..school starting again tomorrow..great..so that means i will only be home at 10pm..on monday and thursday..i cant wait to get my last module over and done with..after that..its bye bye mmi..and hello?? to a new institute?? maybe..but hello to a new course too..the first week of 2007 have past..and im starting to feel that this year..is gonna be a boring year for me..hopefully it will not be..(praying hard hard hard......)

2007-01-03T21:22:00.000+08:00

alright...i'm complained by my one and only sister as --boring..what the hell..it's not like i want to be that way right..but every since i started my job as a preschool teacher..that's what i've become..the one and only thing that can get me stressed up and frustrated, getting all serious and worked up on..and the one and only thing that can get me flying up to the sky.. its crazy how a simple job as a teacher can get me feeling all that..well..what can i say?? my little sis..all u can do is to bear with it..like i've always been tolerating ur stuck up attitude..oops..

alright..first post in 2007..nothing exciting..nothing much..just living through the days like i've always did..work,work,work...stress stress stress..sometimes i love it, sometimes i loathe it..weird..

i've been reading a book titled "The Truth About Forever" recently.. its about the this girl who just lost his father, unable to accept the the fact of her father's death, she started to lock herself in her own world, accepting all unreasonable request made by her mother and starts to doubt the word 'forever'..until she met this group of people by chance that changes her life and her belief that 'forever' does not exists..when she finally starts to open her heart to accepting her father's death and a new romance, her mother's interference pushed her back to square one..
well..in the end its a happy ending and all..but this book really made me think...are there really such things as forever? a friendship forever? a relationship that is forever? a passion, ambitions and a goal forever?? i do believe that kinship can be forever, cause of the old saying "blood is thicker than water." but what about the rest?

well..maybe i can only know the answer when i'm a 40 or 50 years old woman..who knows..

2006-12-30T19:28:00.000+08:00

its been another long time since i've updated my blog again..sorry for being such a lazy blogger..
well well..year 2006 is about to end and year 2007 is soon soon coming..i just cant imagine how fast time have past..its just like yesterday i've just celebrated the coming of 2006, den now i'm about to say goodbye to it and saying hello to 2007..

summary of what i've done this year..
started my diploma course, and finishing soon next year feb.
started my first year as a preschool teacher, teaching children of age 5.
love life......still zero, no improvement.
confidence level....well well..i guess i'm starting to feel more confidence in myself when doing personal stuff and during work..
account savings...well..enough to keep me alive and enough for me to shop..haha..

wishes of 2007...
have some improvement in my love life..and account savings..
able to achieve what i've always wanted..
and....
haven thouhgt of it yet...
have a peaceful year ahead..

guess that's it..boring update..i know..sorry..

2006-12-03T21:40:00.000+08:00

don't really know what can i post up nowadays..guess my life is really pretty boring..
everyday its work and school..work and school.. i thought i was content with my life..but until yesterday then i realized how much i have missed out as a teenager..the fun and laughter a normal teenager should be having and experiencing..

i really missed all my friends..miss my secondary school life..miss the socialising.. miss the fun..miss the stupid conflicts girls have at times..miss the critising and hating and everything..

i guess i have really missed out alot..well..i guess i just have to face it..maybe i might be able to get it back..but maybe i dun wan to get it back..confusing huh..

went to ernest's birthday chalet last night..with clara and yang su..my two seemed-like-long-lost-friend..haha..well..just to repeat..i REALLY MISS U GURLS ALOT!! anyway..met clara at town around 2.30pm at town..went to shop around for ernest's and her sister's birthday present..well..we did manage to buy something for the 2 birthday guy and girl..however, my dear clara girl also ended up buying a cute skirt for herself..which she have been repeatedly going in to the store to just "look" at it.. i psycho her to buy it in the end..haha..*clara, u will thank me someday*

well..we both catched up alot..and i realized i've really missed out quite alot of interesting stuff..but, somehow i'm glad im not in it..well..we met up with yang su around 6pm at the mrt station..the moment i saw ernest, all he can say is:" kelly, i really have to say sorry to you today." i thought it was something big..but end up its just a little tiny thing..shall not mentioned it here..clara and yang su, u should know what i'm referring to..yup..honestly and frankly..the chalet was a little boring..the only small surprise i got was to see choy bee..she didn't really change much, but got prettier..that's for sure.. well, she talked about her work and stuff..plus netball and a few of her memories in henderson..

it was kind of fun, not the chalet i mean..but able to see and talk and spend time with my friends..that for me..is considered a blessing..

but something really upsets me though..guys..are simply jerks..
if u care, then just show it..dun act like u dun when u really do..and dun act like u do when u really dun..
okie..i'm babbling..shall stop here..

2006-11-18T23:03:00.000+08:00

tired...stressed out..that's all i have to say..

APPLELAND 18th GRADUATION 2006....this concert is making me stress but happy..

tomorrow is the playhouse turn, which means that my class will be performing tml..and that..is really making me nervous.. my colleagues all say that the dance that i have came up with is good and cute..but i'm still worried..because i dun find it good..but the costumes are really good though..haha..the girls look really sexy!! the boys- handsome..

hope everything will go well tomorrow..busy busy day!!

excited..looking forward!!

2006-10-31T12:07:00.000+08:00

some people are just being TOO MUCH!! so good at taking advantages from somebody else.. people take one step back..u take an inch forward..and better still, u use all our names as ur backup without our consent. well..what can i say..to the person..whether u are reading or not..i just wan to tell u..u're such a B***H!! alright.. stop using our names..asshole..damm it..!!

2006-10-18T18:50:00.000+08:00

stayed home for the whole day..didnt go to work..why??because i'm sick??yeah!!guess so..i thought i could hang on and continue with my messy and hectic lifeless life..but i was wrong..i'm still a human, not a robot.and that proves so clearly now, because finally, i'm sick.

maybe its not a bad thing afterall..because normally, at this time, i should be just coming back from work, bathe, eat my dinner and then start/continue on my assignment due next friday. but instead of my daily routine, i woke up at 11am this morning, and took a nap again at 2pm till 4.30pm..then what did i do??o..watch tv..caught a movie on star movies..interesting..and now i'm blogging..sound so boring right??but to me, this is what i call living life..

a day of rest at home is a bless for me..so that i can have enough energy to carry on with work and school and stuff again tomorrow..maybe this is what life is about, isnt it?? work, money, responsibilites..and all these stuff is never-ending..it never gets enough and it never dies out..

o well, i shall stop here, or i'll continue blabbering till don't know when..

finally, to all those out that who does visit my blog once in a while, here are some simple words from me to you:

"live your life like you never had, treasure the moments and people that crosses your path, take in all knowledge and opinions even if you don't like it, worry about something or someone like u really mean it, if you have taken in what i said, that's what i call living a life."

people, absorb and think about it..if u somehow understand what im taking about, tag and let me know!! ciao!!

2006-10-17T19:57:00.000+08:00

been a long time since i've updated..but well..no fear..here i am..

its been a hectic period for me, with the usual assignments, work stress, family,work and friends relationship..i guess that's what everyone will go through regardless of how old u are. but one thing good for me though is that i need not worry about a boyfriend or for married people, worrying about their children and their relationships with their in-laws. guess that's really the part and parcel of life.

i remember just 2 to 3 years back, my parents called me down and had a serious talk with me. at first i thought "did i do something worng again?? but i did my homework!!" but nope, they wanted to talk to me about 'bgr'. they went on talking about that i'm still young and should concentrate on my studies at that moment instead of spending my time and energy on a guy. i really burst out laughing right on the spot. and yet now, my mom is bugging me to go get a boyfriend. haha..as much as i want to, i know that now, its not the right time for me to do so.

people always say that as we grow older, our attachment with our parents will not be that close as it use to be when we're younger. but its the other way round for me though. i'm not that close to my parents when i'm younger as compared to now. i rather spend my weekend with my dad going out to eat, shop,chat about anything and catch a movie than hanging out with my friends. its not that i don't want to, but i just feel that, after everything my parents have given to me, spent on me, giving them my time is nothing compared to what they have done for me.

one of my friend asked me the other day, why do i spend my youth away by slogging on work and 2 courses at a time. well, here is my answer, because this is what my parents want and hope that i can at least achieve by the end of the day. and i accept it with gratitude. because as long as they are happy, i'm willing to do it, because i trust that the decisions they make for me is right, and better than those decisions that i made for myself. of course i still do have my dreams, but hey, life is long, i still have a whole life of time to accomplish my dreams.somehow. but now, my priority are my family, work, school and maybe something else more, den myself..

i may sound stupid, but well..i've learnt alot during this 2 years..i dare not say i'm very mature now, but i dare say that i've changed, at least i'm able to stop and think about the consequences of everything before i do anything. :)

2006-09-27T20:38:00.000+08:00

i really cannot stand the way some people are..irresponsible, arrogant, think highly of themselves when they are actually not good enough..really really hate it..i don't understand how they can live their lives so happily when they are making people around them so miserable..causing a great deal of trouble for others and because of their bad behaviour, influence others to have the same impression of the people who are close to them..really IRRITATING!!

i wanted to prove to others who think that im not good enough that i'm worth it, that im actually much much better than u can even imagine..i tried my best, pushed myself to the limits, sacrificing my social life, love life and my own personal life..but..just because of u, because of ur attitude and behaviour, all the hard work i've put in have gone down the drain..the moment people hear ur name, my name is linked right next to u..and my reputation is being flushed down the toilet bowl just because of u..i HATE you!! hate the way u are..hate the way u always take things given to u for granted, hate the way u take ME for granted..hate the way u used me and making me a fool of everyone by using my trust in u..

im so disappointed with the people i know lately..but it just made me realise that, no matter how many fights, disagreements, disputes, conflicts, frictions we have among each other, my family will and always be there for me..without any motives, without asking for any pay backs..they do all this is because of one thing..LOVE!! because they love me..because they love me, they trust me..because they trust me, that's why they are willingly to do anything for me unconditionally..

that's how my life is..that's the type of family members i have that i will live forever..that's my destiny..so don't blame it on anyone for having unhappiness in ur family, friendship or relationship..because this are all destined..but u can make a change..if u want to..blaming is nv the solutions..blaming will nv make u happy..

2006-09-20T22:17:00.000+08:00

i've decided not to trust or rely in u anymore..i thought u were different from the others,but it turned out that u're nothing but just like them..all the promises u made are bullshit..i will never trust in u anymore..to think that i almost fell in love with u, how silly i am, how naive i am..all ur nice, touching, heart-felt words and actions are all BULLSHIT!! and i meant bullshit..im glad i never let myself fell into ur trap..im glad that i pulled myself out before its all too late..im glad that i've come to realise and see things clearer before i got tricked and bluffed by ur innocent looks and sweet talks..i HATE you..HATE you to the CORE!! u're such an asshole..really my worst of luck knowing u..

2006-09-16T22:46:00.000+08:00

alright..think its been a really long time since i've blogged..and people is complaining..(u know who u are, no need me to say la..but if u wan to own up i also don't mind.haha.) okie..well..for those who often drop in to my blog, i have to say sorry..because to me, blogging is not a daily journal, its a place where i share my feelings with those who care..but..its seems that my feeling is a little draggy this days, that's why i cant post any new stuff up..but well..here goes:

had what i considered a really big misunderstanding and quarrel with my one and only twin..cause of the quarrel??i don't really know..because we thought we both understand each other?and that whatever we did is for the sake of each other?i know that i've hurt u badly, and im hurt too..by my own words and actions..like u said,out of a sudden we are like strangers..maybe time will heal everything, and maybe time will just make it worse..but like what we both promised each other, we will always be friends,we will always be there for each other 24/7 right? yup..i guess so..

things happen before we can even anticipate,take prevention or be mentally prepared. but maybe this is what life is all about.always giving us surprises and challenges, always putting us in difficult situation.making life difficult for us..but maybe its because of all this, that we learnt from our experience and mistakes, learn to be stronger and learn to face our problem.
i always use to say that i have never regretted doing anything for this past 18 years, but for once, i am..i regret..i do not regret saying those hurtful stuff to u, but i regret saying it in a hurtful manner..

maybe using busy and lazy to not blog is an excuse, maybe the real excuse is, i know that once i'm posting a new post, i would surely put it all those stuff that happened to us, and i would let u know how i really feel..i'm always saying that u never face up to ur problem, always avoiding it..maybe im no different to u..

**to my twin, sorry for my stupid and immature attitude recently, it might still continue, i don't know.but one thing is, i've been thinking alot recently, thinking about how should i treat u in the future..continue the same way or treating u in a different way (but of course for the better)..i have not made a decision yet and i hope that for now, at least, u can think for me..give me some time..u know im not very good at this.

**to raymond, somehow i have to thanked u for chatting with me online today, because of u, i've finally blogged.haha.well, being busy now for me is working hard for not only me, but my family's future.even though i really feel that im starting to lose contact with lots of my friends..but, if that really happens, guess there's nothing much i can do too..well..anyway, nice seeing u and kl the other day..but DON'T come down to my work place anymore. :)

2006-09-04T19:12:00.000+08:00

came back to singapore last night..and went for work early this morning..dead tired..but fun!!

thursday:
went for work as usual in the morning, den around 530pm, went back home to take a bath den wenr back to the centre again to work..from 630 to 7pm..haha..funny right??but well, cuz got teacher's day dinner..so my mom and i decided to stay till closing time so that the rest of the teachers can go back and take a shower first before going for the dinner.so, after the closing time, my dad drove us to Toh Payoh's Sakura for Teacher's Day celebration..had a quick..and i mean really quick dinner and den went to Kbox (which is right next to sakura) for the after dinner celebration. end up not all teacher's went.only my,amelia,sharon,du juan,yang li, feng hong ling,my sister,puypuy,mdm tan and alice went. had really lots and lots of fun, was really high..and i just went totally crazy..haha..i was singing and dancing at the same time, even i know that people are walking past our room and looking in to see that there's a crazy woman dancing like nobody's business..haha..but i totally enjoyed it..never had so much fun in my life,and have never been so high either..haha..well..after the crazy session, went back home around 1 plus in the morning..

Friday:
woke up at 1230pm in the afternoon, slept for so long, think im really a pig..haha..well, waited for my twin to come my house and put her stuff, den went to tiong baruh together for lunch plus my sister.den sharon came and watch us eat..haha..okie, den brought my sister to buy lingerie..and the worst part for meeting sharon and gang( du juan) other than my twin is that me and my sister have to carry 4 bottles of soft drinks, plus what??er...raw meat?? and its so damm heavy..i was scolding vulgarities while walking home..damm it!!
anyway, after that, dad came and we went to east coast park for teacher's day bbq..haha..finally got the chance to see the guy that my twin is so crazy over..well..okie..he's okie..haha..well..after that my twin came over to my house and stayed over..packed my stuff and went to bed for the genting trip..

saturday:
had a really bad night last night, couldn't sleep cuz 3 person squeezing in one bed (though its a queen size bed) and plus the rising body heat coming from 5 person at the same time..damm..its so HOT!!!! so i ended up sleeping in the living room for just 2 hours..woke up at 230am in the morning..took a bathe, prepare myself, ate breakfast and set off for GENTING!!
went to malaysia's custom and waited for my aunt and family, my dad's friend (3 family in total) so..that means there are 5 cars altogether..well..the start of the trip is my dad keep looking round for toilet to finish up his unfinished big business..haha..and after turning in to several petrol kiosk, my dad finally finished up his unfinished big business.haha..and he looks so satisfied with it..haha..my daddy is so cute..
well..took about 3 bours plus till we finally got up to genting..the moment i got down from the car, i knew there's something wrong with my back le..and yes indeed..i think i've injured my back..but,being the strong-headed,stubborn kelly..i forced myself to go and play the outdoor and indoor theme park..sat the flying coaster and other rides which caused greater discomfort to my back..and finally, i could not take it any longer..i surrender and went back to rest..and its den i realise that i'm actually having fever and flu..so conclusion: IM SICK!! WELL..well..den my twin and my sister went to play bowling and watch midnight movie with my dad's friend de son..so..its 3 guys and 2 gurls..den because my cousin also not feeling well..so i accompanied her and we both satyed in the hotel room doing our hair, putting body lotion and having the most amazing girl talk..haha..well..den we both went to bed around 11 plus..

sunday:
had macdonalds for breakfast..and said bye bye to genting at 1 plus..and hello to malacca..haha..ate the chicken rice which are in balls for lunch..of course plus chicken..haha..den went for deserts..which i dunno what is it...den its SHOPPING TIME!!! haha..shop down the whole street where there are stalls along the streets..that kind of shopping is also not bad..bought some stuff for the chinese teacher's in our centre..and some stuff for ourself..den...went came back to singapore le..

was dead tired for work this morning..couldn't wake up..but stil drag myself to work..and im still having my flu and fever and now..plus cough..hai..but well..went off work at 530pm..an hour earlier den my usual time..went to see doctor and had medicine..but haven eat yet..anyway..that's about it..

2006-08-27T21:37:00.000+08:00

finished my second degree lesson..maybe its because i already know what to expect during the lesson..i kind of get used to it already..not feeling that tired as compared to the first time..anyway..been coughing like a mad woman since i got home, think im falling sick..but better don't..cuz this coming friday i will be going to genting!!yeah!!and its with my twin..!!!!HOORAY! hahaha..i'm just so happy..but the thought of my younger cousin coming to stay over on thursday and friday night just really disappoint me BIG time!! its not that i don't like him or what, but..well..i just dont like.

anyway..i'm soooooooo tired..sometimes i ask myself, why is my life so tiring??who did this to me..and i finally got the answer. me!i bring this upon myself..no one but me! sad..but true..what to do??so..guess all i can do i just to accept the fact ba..

o well..spending all my time at work and studies..i realise that i really have no life left for myself..sometimes i really just want to hang out with friends on a saturday..or even still..bring my dad for movies (my favourite past-time =) )..but i just cant seem to have that energy to do any of that stuff..after 5 days being tortured by kids and the amount of workload i have, i just want to have a good rest at home.
i can still remember myself bring a secondary school student, all chatty and energetic..but now..being in the teaching line, having to talk so much during work time and during presentations at school..i find myself getting quieter and quieter when i'm not doing any of those 2..don't really like to talk to people or even mingle with them because its really tiring to just open my mouth and talk when i have been talking ALOT!! and i mean ALOT!! for the past 5 days. think im going to a anti-social freak soon...but lucky i still have my family and my twin by my side..!!

2006-08-13T21:56:00.000+08:00

finally i have the time to post..i know im not being a consistent or faithful blogger or whatever..but well..finally started my degree course..what can i say..attend lessons till my whole face go pale, body go stiff and brain go numb..the course itself is tough of course (duh, its degree!!), but the tedious thing are the lesson hours. Friday: 6pm-10pm, Saturday & Sunday: 9am-6pm. and guess what, i still have lessons on mondays and thurdays from 6pm-10pm every week..so for this week its like for consecutive 5 days im attending lessons and not to mention work from mon-fri from 930am-530pm. Phew..its luck that i even survived thru..

what else..mm..i'm seriously tired, that's for sure..o ya..finally pack my worse than a dog's home room..and maybe this coming weekend, after having plenty of rest i can go shop for a new sofa-bed..ha ha ha..i need to go shopping and spend all my hard-earned money to de-stress..i sound like a spoilt brat right..ya..but i'm not ya..okie..so now i'm starting to crap..so i think i better stop here..

*to my twin, i know you are tired and all, and u might find that i'm being kind of mean to you lately..this is because I"M ALSO TIRED!! though u have an extra job and all..but well, just want to let you know thati will always be here for you and love you always no matter how mean i am..hahahahaha..well..u are no where better la..oops*

*to my little sister at home, don't every day face the computer, or else for my birthday wish list next year, i might really consider adding in "change a new sister". so.. watch out ya..

*to all my friends out there who will drop by my blog once in a while, i want to say thank you as this shows that u do care about a friend like me (i sound so thick skin ar), and sorry for not blogging for such a long time. kelly me busy person mah..but will try to make myself more hardworking in blogger from....tomorrow onwards..try ar..no promises..heh..and tag more more please..whenever u drop byto visit!! thanks!!

#thoughts for the day: things don't always turn out the way we want or planned. even this makes us feel disappointed, as an early childhood educator, i'm here to tell ya all..what matters most is the process and not the product..as long as you have given and tried your best, you are already a winner!! whatever it is..always believe in yourself..no one is superior than another as each and everyone of us is "unique" and "special". never give up and you'll reach your own paradise.. smile always :)

2006-07-21T21:10:00.000+08:00

didn't realise that its been so long since i've blogged..well..it doesn't matter..worse still..i just realise that my birthday is just around the corner..ha ha ha..things have been so hectic that i can even forget about my 18th birthday..hilarious..but im still not too late..made a wishlist for my birthday.. here goes:

1) a watch
2) a new ipod
3) a new pair of spectacles
4) black shorts
5) new clothes
6) a new pair of heels
7) happiness
8) a holiday trip
9) plenty of time to rest

yup..just a wishlist..for no. 7 to 9..its a little hard to accomplish..the rest..hmmm..maybe?? but i seriously need some time off now..especially recently the stress at work and school is really becoming a burden to my health. physically and mentally..like today..i nearly fainted at work..and have been really short-tempered. i have so many stuff on hand that i think i couldn't finish.get easily frustrated over small little stuff..

i thought i can count on someone..but it turn out that i can only count on myself..maybe that's why people always says that the real world is realistic..and its so much that its so scary and lonely..well..hope that i wun turn into one of them..hmmm....

2006-06-04T19:14:00.000+08:00

i never know that liking someone can be so difficult and heart-breaking.before i even admit to myself that i really like u, u've already let me know that its impossible between us.i dunno why, but its really hurtful..so painful that i cant seem to breathe or think..the usual cool-headed kelly suddenly just lost her direction..i never know that i actually yearn for love so much.love from someone.care from someone.a hug from someone.i thought that i could have all those from u, but now..it seems that its just my wishful thinking..maybe u've really just treated me as a friend all along while i treated u differently. sometimes i wonder, am i really able to find love that totally belongs to me,will i be satisfied with just friendship and kinship, am i able to just live with these 2..but i came to realise that human are simply just greedy.no one will ever be satisfied with what they have.the same goes to me..i realise..but somehow it seems too late..

**i've let u go once, i'm never gonna let u slip away from me again.no matter how hard its gonna take..unless u tell me to let go..or i'll never..let u go again..**

2006-05-29T22:45:00.000+08:00

life is really..weird..if its meant to happen to u, it will..no matter how much precaution u've taken..my dearest sister..went to a forest or jungle in malaysia for a st john camp..and guess what happened??she got bitten by a snake and was sent to NUH on saturday night. got a shock when i received the call from her teacher.my mom and dad rushed down to the hospital immediately.i went down on sunday morning..and the first word that came to my head when i saw her feet was "pig leg". its so swollen and black..i kept making fun of her..and i didnt feel bad about it..believe me..such a rare opportunity to be able to laugh at her and not get beaten up..cuz she cant walk..haha..okie..im bad..stayed over night at the hospital to look after her..and i can only say one thing..its really really tiring..even though there's extra bed provided, i still cant sleep..partly because im worried about my sister and the other part is...its really not comfortable..i miss my bed..haha..but well..she's discharged now but her feet is still swollen..

well...did some thinking recently..made plans and goals..decided on some..and will achieve it..hopefully in the shortest time.

*twin..about the guy i told u today during class..heh..i will tell u when im sure of it..don't worry..i wun keep things from u de..i just want to make sure on my own first.okie.thanks for being so understanding. =)

2006-05-21T16:03:00.000+08:00

went for the BIG WALK this morning.i only have one word for that. "OMG!!!"why do i say omg?because firstly, im a human made of ice, which means that the sun is so so so so so hot that i think i can melt right on the spot.and secondly, im not much of a walker girl. this is even more tiring den doing my shopping. but well, its with my family, and my mom so nan de got this sudden interest in going for a walk, at least do some exercise. so, its okie. i had fun, but dead tired. saw many people i know at the event, the most shocking of all is seeing a friends from last year's ndp.haha.couldnt believe my eyes when i saw him, i still thought that im still not awake.

we walked from kallang to suntec city, went to eat at burger king den went to hagaan daz to see my twin working.heh..we ate ice-creams and..dunno...look at her work? haha..anyway..by the time i reach home, i felt like a jelly.the first thing i did was to lie on the sofa and sleep.from 11 plus to 3.

conclusion of the day, im not going to do this again next year,unless im crazy.yeah!!

2006-05-19T21:12:00.000+08:00

finally..the end of the week le..life had been so hectic for this past week. skipped class and went to celebrate my twin amelia's birthday, bought her a book and a pair of earrings. and on wed, my parents went to malaysia, and our supervisor is on leave. left me alone to take care of 2 classes, answering phone calls, attending to parents and those who came to register and what else?? o ya..managing sudden problems such as injury of children. damm..made me feel so giddy for the whole day. it just felt like im going to faint anytime.haha.but lucky its all over now..haha..

getting away from books for a few weeks, if not im gonna be said by other people as bookworm le.so..now change to watching vcd.haha...well well..end here..

*twin..dun so stress le...life is not wasy in the first place..take it easy ya??love ya!!

2006-05-13T21:56:00.000+08:00

went to meet steph today for lunch,did a little shopping and went back early. talk to steph about alot of stuff.some updates of myself which isn't much. but still, i had a great time. but the surprise of surprise was, i think we both saw MR DARREN CHONG at sakae sushi, where we had our lunch. and worse still, he and his group of friends are just sitting righ next to us. well, me and steph didn't dare to go up to him,so we just pretend that we didnt saw him, though he totally saw us. but well..haha..what a coincidence. dunno whether is good or bad.
well, wasn't feeling well this whole day.feeling very very lethargic. and my cough is getting from bad to worse. think i should go and see a doc ba. well well..

*twin*
i really want to say i'm sorry that i couldn't make it to ur party today. i read ur blog, and im really sorry. and im hurt too, i didnt know that u actually thought of me like that.but all i wanna say is im sorry. maybe i've been pretty insensitive to ur feelings lately, but i just wan to say that i really dun mean it. i have some problems of my own too, i want to share it with u, but i just dunno how, and i dun want to add on to ur burden. i really hope that u can understand. im really not fit to be ur twin. i should be the one who understands u the most, care for u the most and be very aware of how u're feeling.but i didnt do any of that. im sorry!!

2006-05-12T21:13:00.000+08:00

this few days im in depressed mode.damm.dun have any energy in anything i do and its really starting to irritate me. well well..hopes that this feeling will go away fast..

went to the science centre today with my twin amelia and sweety girl clanna. we agreed to meet at jurong east mrt station at 10.30. and well, i didnt expect myself to reach 15 mins earlier. but..that 2..is late..and i waited for a full 25 mins..and that's still not the worse, the weather this few days is so hot..and while standing there under shades, i feel like im totally cooked by the time that 2 girls arrived. i totally think i can eat myself on th spot if im really starving.

well..we went there for breakfast first at macdonalds, den went in to start exploring.haha.its been 6 years since i went to science centre.and i just felt so excited.haha..i totally just threw amelia and clanna aside and just went exploring every single thing that i can see.haha.and all that 2 girls did other than looking around, was taking pictures. lots and lots of pictures. haha.

left around 2pm and took a cab down to suntec.cause my twin have to work and well, see someone. haha..well, girl, i really have to say, though u didnt have the chance to look at him for a long time today, but at least u still managed to see him right? and i totally totally agree with u. he is really really really very very very cute. especially his smile. haha.really can melt a girl's heart. but dun worry, ur twin me, have a heart of stone.so it wun melt. okie??heh..

*to clanna and amelia*
i really enjoyed my day today. had lots and lots of fun. because its the 2 of u that went with me.hahaha.. hurry up plan our next outing okie!! i cant wait for out next outing!! and amelia twin, remember the photos hor.thank you. i love u two. muacks.

2006-05-10T22:00:00.000+08:00

this past week for me is just like..blur..and fast..cant really remember clearly what happened..only know that on friday..my dear twin came over to stay over at my house.and i must say..sorry twin..think i scared u first thing in the morning with my bombastic hair..hahahaha..but i know u wun mind.then on saturday..we went to hagaan daz..and see someone..heh..twin..u owe me one..den went to eat swensen and watched movie..had fun but not totally crazy..hmmm..well..make it up another time..

went to science centre on monday..for a seminar..or more of a movie treat..haha..well..the thing is..the science centre today is so so so much different from what i use to remember.its looks much fun and..cool...no longer the kind of place that i think only geeky type of people will go..well..im going down there with amelia and clanna this friday..kind of excited actually..haha..

well..work is still a blur for me..but kinda getting clear le..hmmm..maybe i should really put all my heart in it..maybe.really.

2006-05-02T11:38:00.000+08:00

been quite some time since i last updated..alot have happened..my first maid-less week had passed..well..quite smoothly actually..well..saturaday was supposed to go "peng" amelia my dear twin de "chang"..haha..sorry ar..last min not feeling well..u know de la..haha..and what did i do on sunday??er..went to the library in the morning..den went shopping for groceries at ntuc with my dad..on the way back to the car..saw this whole group of foreign workers who works on those construction sites..and they were like all rushing up to a bus..and its like..whoo...scary..its like u only see those scene on tv..well..me and my dad sort of rush off..haha..
and yesterday..which is monday..my twin fly me aeroplane..say want to come my house de..den last minute go work..IM ANGRY!!!!!always like that de..humph..im not happy okie..bear that in mind.
anyway..today changed shift with another teacher..so..got to work in the afternoon..which earn me a hour plus more to sleep in the morning.need not wake up so early as usual.den..slack around a home until now..den decided to blog..and..now think its time to stop..i have no idea what i'm talking about..think im going to crack.soon....

2006-04-23T22:16:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna be maid-less for a month.have to start doing housework.for those who really knows me very very well..u should know that i have a maid at home.but now she went back to The Philipiness already.so..have to do housework.im not grumbling or wad..cuz..its actually a very good chance to let me learn how to do housework and most importantly..COOK!! im like the only person in this family that doesn't know how to cook.the only food i can cook..is instant noodles.i can't even fry an egg.can't even cook a porridge that looks edible.im really terrible.so i have to learn.even if the result is not good.but at least i've tried.right?right.

another thing..i think i'm having some allergic effects to my medicine.first..i start getting itchy all over my body..like there's something crawling around in my body..and now..my muscles around my neck, back,hands and even face are aching..or should i say..it feels like its hardening.its kind of worrying me though.think i should better go see the doctor tomorow fo reassurance.

and twin..amelia..the jokes are really funny..haha..my dad enjoyed it too..just nice..i needed a laugh.so stress with exam..arghh...

i miss my happy family..i want it back..fast..very fast..

2006-04-21T21:22:00.000+08:00

its almost a week since i last updated. been really busy..well..watching "DA CHANG JING", if any of u know this show. and er..doing my assignments and er...i dunno..just felt that i've been pretty busy this whole week. good news: mom and dad are talking again. on good terms from what i see. bad news: i lost my voice, seen the doctor, and was told not to talk for 6 days. and now, i finally and really realise that its such a torture to not to be able to talk. and now i also realise that im actually quite a talkative person. haha. im going nuts..

2006-04-16T00:44:00.000+08:00

went to watch movie with my dad today.had a really great time.haha.im so happy.we watched FIREWALL.well..the movie is okie..not up to my dad's usual movie standards,but he said it was okie.i really enjoyed hanging out with my dad..be it just sitting somewhere..eating and chatting.that is already very enjoyable.well..this reminds me of when im going thru my early teenage years..where..well..i guess many of us do experience this.we always felt that our parents are really very embarassing..and its best not to be seen by friends when im out witht them.well..that was my awkward teenage years.but now...i really treasure and appreciate the times i get to spend with my dad.

and twin..seriously speaking..i'm really angry with u today.for making me wait for 1 hour plus for u.i almost cry out already.make me stand and wait for u there like an idiot.but well..i shall consider if i want to forgive u anot.

hmmm..i really cant understand what my mother is thinking.for this past 2 days..she's out early and back late.i almost din get to see her at all.well..she quarrelled with my dad on thurs..which is pretty recent.and they quarrelled for...a very small minor thing.i really dun understand my mom..my dad even talked to her nicely..but she just don't appreaciate it and continues putting on a black face.i love them both.i dun wan to see them like that.it really upsets me.but there's also nothing i could do about it.hai..

2006-04-11T20:28:00.000+08:00

hmmm...the smell of the wind this few days smells so different.it gives me encouragement and energy to continue working hard.gives me the confidence that i once had,but was fading away.it makes me feel that the world is full of hope.and that,whatever i used to dream is able to come true.as long as i work hard.it made me look at alot of things in a new perspective.it has given me a whole new reason to continue working hard and to fulfill my dreams.hmmm..i like the smell of this wind,this new wind. u may or may not understand what i'm talking,but..nvm..i understand can le..:)

Work today went really smooth..was surprised by someone..Yang su!!u ar gal..come without informing me..gave me a big shock leh..next time cannot like that le ar..had a nice chat with her,but well,stillhave to get back to work..so left her alone,but she's alright la..since she knows almost everyone there.

hai..i still have lots and lots of work to do.to complete.have to complete the container to put the easter egg by this thursday,plus assignment due this thursday too..and what else..o ya..to type and send my group members stuff which is important for the assignment which is due this thrusday.I HATE THIS THURSDAY!!!so many things due on that day.plus my lesson plans for this term,lesson plans for next term and homework for next term.omg...i'm really dying..there's onli 1 me..but so many things to do..how am i ever going to finish all this??someone..help!!!!!

2006-04-08T23:13:00.000+08:00

my leg..my feet..don't belong to me anymore..its so..painful.went jogging early in the morning with my dad and sis at telok blangah hill.den,went to meet zan,terrence,xuian ming, kunloong,raymond and chun han.it all started well,until something happen.well,not a very nice experience,so shall not mention.but one thing i have to say though is,if u ever let ur friends wait for u for very long,u should at least know how to say "sorry".its not a difficult word to say.besides that,give ur friend an explanation.whether he accepts it or not,but at least he knows why u made he wait for such a long time.and if ur friend ever walks out on u,and its because u are the one who made him angry,chase after him.girl or boy,that person is ur friend.don't assume things are gonna be fine..because u never know that u've actually hurt your friend's feelings.and if u really treasure the friendship,make an effort,no matter how angry your friend is.

hai,well..done with that.accompained zan to buy bag.we went..cineleisure,taka,wisma,bugis,icon,far east to help zan look for her perfect bag.a bag which when she looks at it,she knows at that instant that its hers.so we walked for so long............that now i cant feel and control both my legs.
*my flu and fever is still living in my body.well,please..get away.*
im getting crazy..!!!!

2006-04-07T22:40:00.000+08:00

had fever, sore throat and flu today.feel so lousy for the whole day,and that's not it.i was humiliated by a p4 boy,when he scold me "stupid teacher". i was so angry tha i nearly cried.how come there is such person,at such a young such have this type of sickening attitude.it really disgust me. was calling my twin for the whole day.trying to reach her and ask if she can go with me to tioman island for holiday during labour day.but well,its seems that her dad is in a bad mood,so all the answers she get from her dad is a no.but she will continue to try her best to persuade her dad for this...2 days??right twin?i really hope that u can go.really really really hope.cuz i know we are going to have loads and loads of fun.right?hahaha..after work,went to meet *somebody* to return stuff.den met zan,terrence and xuian ming at tiong.for..the sake of meeting?well,did a little catching up,laughed and record my specialised "wow..so ma..ny money"haha..the way i said it was funny.i think.cuz they even record it down.well,that's for now.my throat is aching.damm.well,end here.ZZzzzzz......

2006-04-03T23:10:00.000+08:00

i'm so sick and tired of waking up early and go to work..how i wish i can have a long break.from everything.school and work.its so tiring.i miss my seconday school days.no worries.no extra duties and responsibilities.my only job is to go to school and attend lessons.do my homework and study for exams.no worries about money,sickening collegues,everyday lesson plans,preparing of teaching materials for both work and school.cracking my brain everyday.HAI!!!!!IM SO TIRED!!my dear twin.i also feel like quiting my job.but i cant bear to leave my kids.they are so adorable,though really mischevious at times that i really feel like spanking their butt.oops,cant say that,im a highly trained teacher.cant do that kind of stuff.
and did i ever mention that i really really DON"T LIKE one of the teachers working with me?omg.yes,she once taught me when i was still a little kid.but please,that DOESN"T mean that u can take advantage of me and use me.im not an idiot okie.though im not smart,but at least im not that stupid to let u use and take advantage of.this type of people is really sickening.what u want u just go and talk to the boss la.though im her daughter,but still,im working there as a staff not as her daughter.i also have to do my job and btw,double of yours.i work full day while urs is just half day okie.im more tired than u okie!!!so please,u also take pay one.what?people hire u to go there and shake ur legs ar.cant stand.so what if u are old.as in really old woman.does that means u can work lesser than us?NO!!!if u really want to work less u might as well dont work.irritating.the thought of working with u everyday reallly disgust me.YUCKS!!!i hate u!! YES!!U!!!

2006-04-02T21:34:00.000+08:00

i hate it...i hate people who are so unreasonable and such fault blamer..ARGHH!! if u think u are so great, den why bother to even talk to me, why even bother to quarrel with me for nothing. or does making me angry makes u feel so good and great bout it. cant you even solve the problem by urself?told u its an accident, i didnt mean it to happen.and do you have to blame and scold me like i've committed a serious crime?like i've killed somebody.i hate it..i really really hate it. especially when u people keep siding her.no matter what she does, u people only give compliments or whatever..no matter what she does, right or wrong.just bcause she's young doesn't mean she can do whatever she wants and it also doesnt means that u can side her like nothing is going on. and when i do good things,work my butt off without complaints, u dont say a word.not even a word of encourage or compliment. a simple 'good' means more than anything to me. at least i knows that my hard work have paid off. but no, i dont get anything.is it my problem or what that u people have to treat me like this. i dont like it, i seriously dont. maybe i shouldnt have listen to you and step into what i'm doing at the moment.maybe i should have followed what i wanted in the first place.no matter how much hard work it takes me to fulfill my dreams,i will have no complains.

my dear twin..how i wish i could tell u everything.but i cant.cuz i know u have more than enough to handle at the moment.i dont want to add on to your problems.i really love them u know.i really do.i want to give them the best that i can give,i want them to live happily.but the way they're treating me,especially that person, i cant. sometimes i really have that sudden action of giving her one tight slap.i really feel like trashing her up.she makes me so angry that i cant control my own emotions.i hate her.she doesnt gives me the respect that i deserve,so why should i give it to her?i hate it..how i wish that one day we can both move out and stay together.and by that time,is what i really call the beginning of happiness and laughter.i miss u, twin.

2006-04-01T21:42:00.000+08:00

have been thinking alot..mainly about my future..am i going to be a preschool teacher for the rest of my life?am i really going to take over my parent's business?or should i go and do what i always wanted?its so nerve-cracking.. can't make a right decision.in the past i still know who to go to..but now its such a blank..and after seeing what happen to my grandmother,i suddenly do realize that in our whole life we only live once..and that one time have to be worthy,memorable and special.everyone can only go through 1 age once. once its over, its really over..u can only think back but cannot do it over again.

and my sister..hai..it really breaks my heart seeing her like that..she still doesn't understand that whatever we did is for her own good..and all she does now is to ignore,give attitude and get angry with us for nothing. i really do love her, but will she ever knows?even if she does hate me, maybe she already hates me..but she's still my one and only sisiter, and i love her.

my twin amelia, really gald for u that u finally gone u know..like a guy..and i also really do hope that that guy would learn to appreciate u. cuz u're the best person i've ever know. though u do have some bad habits that i really cannot tolerate, but u'll still perfect to me..cuz u're my twin and that makes me perfect too..hahahaha...well..happy one year knowing each other..last year this day. is the best day of my life..cuz i still to know u..!!!i love u..muackx..